david herndon


pregnancy
August 16, 2007, 10:37 am
Filed under: life, moms, people

My wife is about to have another baby – our second!  Throughout the prenatal process I am constantly amazed at the miracle of life, and equally amazed at technology.  We saw a 4-D ultrasound picture of our child that had such incredible detail that it looked like there was a camera inside my wife’s womb.  This ultrasound machine can measure the baby and tell you how much he weighs.  It predicts when he will be born.  It listens to his heartbeat.  All of that stuff is absolutely amazing.

Then there is the comical side of the doctor’s office.  We’re doing a scheduled C-Section, so we have these conversations with our doctor that sound very similar to if we were scheduling lunch. “How does Wednesday work for you?  How about Monday?  Morning or afternoon?  When is it convenient for you to bring a human life into this world?”

And you have never experienced the world awkward until your doctor has tried to carry on a normal conversation with you (i.e. weather, golf, etc) while at the same time checking your wife’s cervix.

But the most amazing thing about pregnancy is the amazingly ridiculous things people will say and do.  They ask really stupid questions like, “Are you ready?”  What do you think?  How would you feel if you had a 7 pound person inside of you moving around and practicing karate with your bladder?  How would you feel if everytime you sat down it became hard for you to breathe, but everytime you stood up your feet swelled with fluid making it difficult to walk?  Instead of getting an answer, I think it would be more fair to sprinkle these people with bacon bits, duct tape a badger to their stomach, and then ask them if they are ready to get the badger off.  Let’s not forget that when God kicked Adam and Eve out of the garden, pregnancy was part of Eve’s punishment.  Adam’s punishment was sharing a bed with a pregnant woman (If Mama ain’t sleeping, ain’t nobody sleeping).

Take note people – it is never okay to say any of the following phrases to a pregnant woman:  “Are you sure you’re not having twins?  Wow, your stomach looks bigger now than it did 5 minutes ago.  Man, you look huge.  You look like you’re ready to pop.  You look miserable.  I just dropped my keys, can you pick them up for me?”

Say things like, “You look amazing.  You are glowing.  From behind, you don’t even look pregnant.  Oh, you can’t be that far along.  Would you like a foot rub?”

It is also never okay to touch a pregnant woman’s belly unless you are blood related, I don’t care how often you see them or how well you know them.  Blood lines only, people.

In all seriousness, bringing a child into the world is truly an adventure.  We are very excited about our new addition, and it is worth all the humor and pain and stupidity we have to endure in the meantime.  Pray for us as our journey comes to an end soon and a new journey begins.

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for all the moms… (re-post)
May 8, 2007, 1:24 pm
Filed under: moms

*This is a re-post of a very appropriate blog for Mothers’ Day.  Enjoy, and remember to do something nice for your Mama this Sunday! 

The other day I was making a quick trip into the bookstore, and in the parking lot, I saw a mini-van covered in filth.  I don’t’ mean foul bumper stickers – it was literally covered in dirt.  It is also the worst pollen count ever down here, so it was more like a dirt and dust center with a nice pollen coating around it.  But it was clear to me this was a family car because A) It was a mini-van, and B) It had several “My Kid… dances, plays, soccer, attends, graduated from, etc. etc. bumper stickers on it.

Now, what struck me about this filthy family van was that someone (I am presuming a child) had written in the dirt on the back window.  Usually when one writes on a car this dirty, it is something creative, clever, and humorous and of literary genius… something like “Wash Me.”  However, this writer dirtied his finger with style.  There, on this dirty window, proclaimed for the entire world to see, a child had written in all caps, underlined twice, exclamation point:

SUPERMOM!

I couldn’t help but smile because I know what is going on in that mom’s head.  She is out running errands, trying to keep her home in order, trying to get her kids from school to sports to dance to church to whatever.  She is obviously so busy that she can’t even find time to run through a carwash.  And if the outside is this dirty, I cannot imagine the inside.  Heck, I can’t even see the inside.  Surely it is filled with candy wrappers and coffee stains, baseballs schedules and unopened mail, and there are petrified french fry remnants in the cracks of the seats.  She looks in her closet each morning and can’t even find a shirt without a stain on it.  She doesn’t have time to put on make-up or fix her hair like she wants because she’s too busy getting breakfast, lunch, and dinner ready at the same time.  She spills her coffee on the way out of the house, which is probably never really as clean as it should be.  And then she sees this van – this dirty, filthy, pollen covered van.  It must be all she can do not to feel like she is failing as a parent.  That’s how we all feel as parents when things get a little too disorganized:  How can I take care of my kids if I cannot even take care of my car?

So one day she steps out of the dirty house with messy hair and wrinkled clothes and the car is still dirty, but when she looks in the rearview mirror to back out of the driveway, there it is: SUPERMOM! 

What a feeling – through all the busyness and hurriedness and dirtiness, this kid noticed his mom and what she was doing for the family.  In the dirt, she feels like a failure, but in the dirt, he proclaims her super-ness even more loudly: SUPERMOM!

So in the parking lot I think to myself – I wouldn’t get it washed either.  Good job, Kid! 


Comments Off on for all the moms… (re-post)


for all the moms…
April 9, 2007, 1:44 pm
Filed under: moms

The other day I was making a quick trip into the bookstore, and in the parking lot, I saw a mini-van covered in filth.  I don’t’ mean foul bumper stickers – it was literally covered in dirt.  It is also the worst pollen count ever down here, so it was more like a dirt and dust center with a nice pollen coating around it.  But it was clear to me this was a family car because A) It was a mini-van, and B) It had several “My Kid… dances, plays, soccer, attends, graduated from, etc. etc. bumper stickers on it.

Now, what struck me about this filthy family van was that someone (I am presuming a child) had written in the dirt on the back window.  Usually when one writes on a car this dirty, it is something creative, clever, and humorous and of literary genius… something like “Wash Me.”  However, this writer dirtied his finger with style.  There, on this dirty window, proclaimed for the entire world to see, a child had written in all caps, underlined twice, exclamation point:

SUPERMOM!

I couldn’t help but smile because I know what is going on in that mom’s head.  She is out running errands, trying to keep her home in order, trying to get her kids from school to sports to dance to church to whatever.  She is obviously so busy that she can’t even find time to run through a carwash.  And if the outside is this dirty, I cannot imagine the inside.  Heck, I can’t even see the inside.  Surely it is filled with candy wrappers and coffee stains, baseballs schedules and unopened mail, and there are petrified french fry remnants in the cracks of the seats.  She looks in her closet each morning and can’t even find a shirt without a stain on it.  She doesn’t have time to put on make-up or fix her hair like she wants because she’s too busy getting breakfast, lunch, and dinner ready at the same time.  She spills her coffee on the way out of the house, which is probably never really as clean as it should be.  And then she sees this van – this dirty, filthy, pollen covered van.  It must be all she can do not to feel like she is failing as a parent.  That’s how we all feel as parents when things get a little too disorganized:  How can I take care of my kids if I cannot even take care of my car?

So one day she steps out of the dirty house with messy hair and wrinkled clothes and the car is still dirty, but when she looks in the rearview mirror to back out of the driveway, there it is: SUPERMOM! 

What a feeling – through all the busyness and hurriedness and dirtiness, this kid noticed his mom and what she was doing for the family.  In the dirt, she feels like a failure, but in the dirt, he proclaims her super-ness even more loudly: SUPERMOM!

So in the parking lot I think to myself – I wouldn’t get it washed either.  Good job, Kid! 

*Today’s blog is for my mom, who recently had surgery.  As a child, I created a cartoon character called “Supermom.”  I still think of you that way!  Get better soon.




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