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put up or shut up

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put-up-or-shut-up  (informal)

So I haven’t been blogging for a while now.  That’s pretty evident to all three of my readers.  Usually, when I haven’t been blogging its because I’ve been busy or I haven’t had anything I felt is worth sharing.  This time is not the case, though.  I have time to blog. I have plenty of thoughts and opinions and questions I could write and share with the interweb.  But lately I’ve felt much more challenged in the purpose of my blogging.  It kind of happened like this:

Step One: No Authority

Over the past few months I’ve actually written several posts, only to not publish them or even delete them in the end.  I just couldn’t hit that “post” button because a little voice inside of me was asking, “What makes you the authority on this subject?”  I couldn’t argue with that voice, so I didn’t post.

Step Two: No Purpose

As I said, I’ve had plenty to say.  However, if I’m honest a lot of what I wanted to say was mostly my own opinion, which when paired with the whole “no authority” thing, doesn’t make good reading.  Also, a lot of what I wanted to share probably wasn’t helpful or encouraging for others.  Some posts would have even come at the expense of another person.  So that tiny voice asked me “What’s the purpose in posting that?  Self-gratification?  More like self-glorification.”  I couldn’t argue with that either.

The truth is, I’ve gone back and read most of my posts.  Some of them I’m proud of.  Some of them have helped others.  Some of them are based on God’s word and are very inspiring.  But not all of them.

Some of them are very critical of others.  Some of them are very critical of other churches and The Church.  Some of them do not reflect or resemble God’s word in any way.  Some of them, ashamed as I am to say, have been a desperate attempt on my part to be witty, cool, edgy, or even authoritative.  Many of the posts on this blog have not served a very useful purpose at all.

After reading all 200 posts, I was pretty sick of myself.  I don’t want to be associated with a blog that makes me sick.  More importantly, if I was judged solely on one or two of these posts, I don’t think I would like that kind of person.

Step Three: Delete the Blog

About 3 times a week I would decide to delete the blog.  I’ll just quit blogging altogether.  The other 4 days I would decide to delete just the “negative” posts.  Leave all the “good” stuff up and start posting more positive things again.  I couldn’t ever decide what to do so I just didn’t do anything.

So now here I am… writing.  The truth is, just 10 minutes ago I sat down to delete the blog.  Then I went through and almost deleted all of the “bad” posts.  Finally, the small voice spoke again and said, “You can’t delete this stuff.  Its part of who you are.  But you can write new stuff.”

What kind of message would I send if I just quit telling my story?  God speaks to me and I feel the need to write it down so you 3 readers can… well… read it.  What kind of message would I be sending if I just deleted all of the “bad” stuff?  That’s not how life works.  You can’t just make up a fake, polished identity on the interweb.  Well, you can, but you shouldn’t.  If I want to change the message and the purpose of this blog, then I can.  But that doesn’t mean I just get rid of everything that came before.

Step Four: Try Again

So here we are – a new year and a fresh start.  I Thessalonians says, “For God has not destined us for wrath, but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep, we will live together with Him. Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.”

That verse hits me hard as it reminds me that my God-given purpose is to be an object of God’s love, grace, and encouragement to others – not an object of wrath.  Too many times I’ve used this platform as an object of wrath, reigning down my judgement, criticism, and distaste for all to read.  In the new year, my goal is for this blog to be an object of grace, love, mercy, and hope.

Philippians 2 teaches that God is at work in us… if we will let him out of the cage!  And His desire is to work through us (in this case, through me) to do things that bring Him pleasure and glory and honor.  Furthermore, when we do not operate in His image, we send the wrong message to the rest of the world (i.e. grumbling, complaining).  I’ve grumbled and complained on here a good bit, and in the new year I plan not to.  It isn’t very becoming – for me or for God.

So, without editing my life, I’m starting over.  The blog has a new purpose: to inspire others to grow closer to Christ.  That’s it.  Plain and simple.  Every post.  And if you ever read a post that doesn’t serve that purpose, just let me know and I’ll take it down.

The truth is, if it doesn’t lead others to Christ, then its just not worth saying.

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