You can tell a lot about someone by reading their bumper stickers.  Over the past few weeks I’ve noticed a few that really peaked my interest and thought process, so I thought I would share.

1.  I was behind a car that had a Kerry/Edwards 2004 campaign bumper sticker.  My first thought was: “Now there is a person who is extremely optomistic.”  That race is long over and then some, yet this person is still extremely proud to get behind Kerry/Edwards and recruit others’ support.  Upon second thought, this driver may be a bit bitter and keeps the bumper sticker on the car as a way of saying to the rest of us, “The last 4 years could have been a lot different.”

2. I got stuck in traffic behind an old truck the other day, so I had a lot of time to study this sticker.  It was one of those stickers with the kid who looks like Calvin (from Calvin and Hobbes).  You know the one – where Calvin is relieving himself on something.  Usually he is peeing on Jeff Gordon’s number or Ford or Chevy.  He is a very angry child or either he has not been potty trained.  I’m not sure how Calvin and his urine became the international symbol for dislike, but despite that he was on this truck.  Calvin’s victim this time was simply the word “WORK.”  Apparently this person does (or did not) enjoy his work.  The interesting thing about this sticker is that someone (presumably) the driver had taken a black marker and colored in the pee stream and the word “WORK.”  The only thing left visible is Calvin.  So what happened?  Did Calvin get dehydrated?  Or did this driver begin to enjoy his work enough that he didn’t feel it was appropriate to piss on it anymore?  Did he get a new job?  Did he get a new boss?  Did he lose his job and therefore no longer needs to pee on work?  I lie awake at night thinking about this man and his editing of Calvin’s pee sticker.

3.  The black sticker with the blue stripe on it.  I see this thing all over the place.  This sticker is some kind of trademark for law enforcement.  Often drivers obtain this sticker by making a donation to some kind of law enforcement agency or union.  The mindset is that by displaying this sticker law officers will know that this driver has financially supported them in some way and therefore should not be issued a citation or pulled over, etc, etc.  To make a financial contribution to something would imply that you believe in its values; in this case the law.  The last time I saw one of these stickers was on a Mustang as it cut me off, while speeding, and then ran a red light – which leads me to believe that many of the people who use these stickers intend on breaking the law and hope that this sticker will somehow get them out of trouble.  Ironic isn’t it? 

So here is my message to you three drivers (if by some chance you read this):

1. Kerry and Edwards lost.  Barrack Obama is our president now.  And while he is not a windsurfer, he is a Democrat, so it may be okay for you to bring your politics into present time.  You can take your sticker off now.

2. I’m glad you seem to like work now, or at least you’ve got your bladder problem under control.  I would appreciate it if you would leave a comment explaining to me what changed in your life (or in Calvin’s life) so that you no longer pee on work.  Seriously – I need to catch up on my sleep and your answer could really help me out.

3.  Just because you bought a sticker does not make you a police officer.  Its a sticker – not a badge or sirens.  Please slow down and drive safely.  You’re almost as bad as those people who have the Christian fish on their car but still cut me off and then flick me off.  You’re sending mixed messages – its confusing.

Now, you may think there is no point to this blog… and you would be right.  Feel free to share your favorite bumper stickers and your psychological assessment of the drivers who display them.